that one kink that no one can ever know about ever
"GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL"
"sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"
"oh rad bring it in"
if u think teenage girls are crazed and hormonal and irrational you should see what happens when you tell a grown ass man “no”
I brought this up to my mom recently and my brother overheard and he was like “NO, WOMEN ARE FUCKING PSYCHOS” and I kind of just looked at my mom like point proven.
never let your printer know that you waited until the last minute to print something and you’re in a hurry. they can sense fear
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked
me in high school: omg cant wait for college
me in college: omg cant wait for the 10 years between retirement and the cold embrace of the grave